The Beauty of Dirt

I've found that it is nearly impossible for me to enter any kind of store (grocery, pharmacy, gas station, retail, etc.) without entering the greeting cards isle . I don't know why, but the simplicity of a well written card just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy . Like there's still somebody, somewhere who knows what life is really about . But, this post won't be about all the lovely cards I read while spending half an hour in the local Walgreens, though, it does involve the same isle .
I came across this cute little pink and green book with flowers on it entitled, "Live Happy." It's one of those daily quote type books that I love so much . After spending about five or six minutes reading this book (add that to my 20 minutes of reading greeting cards) I began to notice that the Walgreens employees were passing my isle more and more frequently . I scooped up my items and headed to the checkout .When I got there, I hadn't realized it, but I still had the book in my hand . Looking at this little pink and green book I thought to myself, "What the heck, it's only a couple bucks."
After relieving the Walgreens employees of the theft threat, it's back to school to work on that homework that has been looming over my head all day . I left my house this morning at 9:30am and it is now 8:48pm, it's been a long day . Well, anyway, after 20 solid minutes of reading, "Bartleby the Scrivner" I am ready for a break...from homework atleast . I look over at my little pink and green book and start to read . Now this is my kind of reading! One sentence per page, if only all books were like that . No offense, Bartleby .
After reading a few pages I came across a quote that really spoke to me .

You can say that again . I think about all the things that I'm struggling with in my life right now and, boy, dirt just sounds like the perfect word . Maybe even like mud . I've been crying so much lately that those tears are bound to fall to soil sometime . I've been living with a heavy heart for a while now because right now I don't measure up to who I used to be . I used to be care-free and happy all the time . I would just feel so good on some days that people would ask me,
"Are you ok? You seem a little excited..."
And most of the time I would respond with some kind of sing-songy response like,
"Of course! Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day! I've got a beautiful feeling, everything's going my way!"
Lately, my personal interactions with people usually begin with them asking,
"Are you ok? You look like you're worried about something."


Often times this breaks me down because I feel like a completely different person than who I used to be . And the thing that really bothers me is that I really liked who I was .
But... "Every flower that blooms has to go through a whole lot of dirt [and a whole lot of change.]"If you don't mind that I add my two cents. :)
I'm beginning to realize that almost everything on God's green earth changes . After a rose has done it's job-reproduced through pollination, and given a glimps of it's beauty to those who care to stop and smell, it withers . A rose doesn't bloom and flower in every season of the year, so why should I expect myself to be at my best in every new chapter in my life? I feel that those "happy chapters" in my life are over because I did my job and did it well . I was there for the people who needed me most and I learned what God wanted me to understand in that period of my life so now, it is my time to wither so that I can re-gain the strength to push through all this dirt and renew myself once again .