Saturday, October 29, 2011

Making Things Right

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and it seems to me that I have a lot of guilt. I don't want to announce all the things that are weighing on my heart, but if I told you what they were, you would probably say to me, "That's what you're so upset about? That's nothing!" But not to me... it is something.

I have always tried to live a good life. I have made it my goal to try to be nice to everyone, no matter what they're like or how they treat me. I try to set a good example for other people by saying things like, "You never know what someone is going through. Even though they're mean to you, doesn't mean you should be mean to them. Try to be understanding because everyone has their own problems." But there is one person in particular who I hurt in highschool and ever since then, I feel like I don't deserve to give people advice on "how to be nice."

It's been close to two years since I've hurt that person and if I'm being honest, I've thought about it atleast once every two weeks since then. It's wearing me down because I feel like I've never been forgiven and I am one of those people who can't stand it when someone doesn't like me. I know that not everyone is going to like me, but I want this person to know that it was a unique situation and I really DID NOT mean to hurt them. Everything was going so fast and I was doing a lot of thinking around that time, a lot of faith based self-reflection and then an opportunity came along that I had been waiting my whole highschool career for. Yes, I could have waited a little longer to take that opportunity, but my heart was longing for that opportunity and I was afraid I would lose it. I was torn and maybe I made the wrong choice. I know it hurt that person- I have always known it and believe me, I realize I am completely at fault.

I have decided that I can't take it anymore. I'm going to try to make it right. I'm going to ask for forgiveness and I pray that God will let this person know how sincerely sorry I am for what I did to them. I pray that they can look into their heart and forgive me so that I can move on with my life.

1 comment:

  1. I had a similar experience in high school. I hurt someone I really loved a lot due to peer pressure and a stupid hasty decision. I have regretted what I did to this very day.

    Why not send that person some flowers or a letter?

    But remember, as soon as God forgive us, we TOO have to forgive ourselves! If we have unforgiveness in our hearts than it's like poison! You are a wonderful person Amanda. We all make mistakes. Forgive, ask for forgiveness, and than do your best to move on and not live in regret.

    Love you!