Wednesday, November 2, 2011

An Unpleasant Experience

Something new happened to me today. I was having a meeting with one of my professors beacuse I'm not doing so well in her class (I'm not doing so well in any of my classes right now) but anyway, I got into my car after the meeting and had a full blown PANIC ATTACK.
I ended up having to go home after I was stable enough to drive. It was far from the proudest moment of my life.

Something about this whole anxiety and depression thing that really drives me crazy is ...
So often I can think to myself, "Just calm the heck down!"
But my mind (always blowing things out of proportion) says, "Excuse Me! Have you seen what we're dealing with here?!"
Ugh. What an exhausting, endless battle. It's like I'm two completely different people. One half of me knows how to handle stressful situations in a calm and effective manner, but the CrAzY in me completely overpowers that half and freaks it out! So, the crazy wins...again. I get so upset because I feel like I'm on all these pills but I'm not getting any better. Yes, they help sometimes, but trying to figure out the correct dosage is really a pain in the rear, if you ask me. I've been switched and switched back and had additional medication to go along with what I was already taking, then switched the dosage on that and now I'm not really sure what's going on here.

All I know is that I just want to get all this figured out so that I can like school again like I always used to. Right now, I hate it because I can't focus long enough to do any of my homework so now my grades are slipping and I feel like a failure because last year 1st semester I got all As and second semester I got all As and one B and this semester... I've got a C+ in atleast one of my classes. Who knows how many others. Help me get through this semester, God. I really need You.


  1. I love you Manda. You juggle so very much, and have always had a sensitive, receptive heart. I struggle too with emotions such as these, which you already know...but sometimes it just helps to hear, "You're not alone".

    Look at how happy my dad is. I believe you'll get your sunshine back girl. Keep your chin up. And keep talking to the Lord. Lay it all own...He never asked us to bear it all on our own.

  2. Amanda -

    I agree with Haley when she says "You're not alone!" College can be so overwhelming! I feel overwhelmed 99.9% of the time. Regardless of where you stand with your grades, don't forget to take time for yourself. That's what keeps me going. It helps when you simply take 15-30 minutes for yourself. Close the books and take a stroll, treat yourself to a nap, pamper yourself... You deserve it! God has big plans for you and your future. He will always guide you! :) Hugs!